when life gives you lemons, make lemonade

I've literally just taken my fake nail off to type this properly (those things look good but they're not bloody practical) - so yeah, you know this is the real deal. I didn't want to do yet another post on my heartbreak because it's just getting boring now, although a lot of you message me really sweet things about my blog posts and it warms my heart to know that something I have written could resonate with someone in such a way. However, I do find it very therapeutic in a weird way. I get so caught up in my emotions and feelings that I just need to write. It never feels enough to just write it and not do anything with it - I have challenged myself to feel more comfortable feeling vulnerable, and in a sense sharing my personal thoughts and feelings tackles this. I wanted this to be the last post on heartbreak - going into the new year and all, but fuck that "new year, new me" bullshit. I'm still gonna be heartbroken in 2018, amirite? I have tried to ig...

It's been a bit of a shit show of a year to put it bluntly. I started this year with the love of my life, our pets Kimmy and Storm and a lovely little house we rented in the best area surrounded by all the cats. I remember being at University and wishing my life away there, impatiently waiting for the moment I could move in with Lewis and start our lives together properly - not having to deal with long distance and train journeys. Then all of a sudden, just like that, I was living through the days I had always dreamt about. I started this year in the best way possible and with the intention to get a mortgage on the apartment of my dreams, things couldn't have been better. It's crazy how quickly things can change and it always scares me how you can never imagine it happening. If you told me this time last year that I would not be with Lewis a year from now, I would laugh in your face. We were in love and it was real. I remember we always used to say to one another "...

I wanted to write this for when I get better. When hearing your name no longer makes my heart sink and seeing a picture of you no longer leaves me breathless.   I want to remember. I want to remember exactly how I’m feeling right now, so that I can look back and say I got through it. I have to look forward otherwise this hole I’ve got myself stuck in just seems to be getting deeper and deeper. I need to find a ladder so I can slowly climb my way out. I want to remember the hurt I feel. I want to remember how much I tried to win you back and how my efforts were rejected and I was left humiliated. I want to remember how I loved you until it physically hurt. I want to remember how I expected the very minimum from you and I was still left disappointed. I did not expect for you to come crawling back on your hands and knees because you had realised you had made a mistake. I wanted that, I wanted that more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I wanted you in the most innocent sense. I wan...

I think the worst part about a break up is that once it’s all said and done, you have a moment where you realise - fuck, it’s really over. That no matter what happens from this moment forward, no matter what scenario’s you play in your head and no matter how many times you can hope and pray that they will realise they’ve made a mistake and actually they love you and they want you back. Pushing all of that to one side, actually things will probably never be the same between you again. I hate the thought of that. I want things to be just as they were. I think the thing with break ups is that when it’s over, you’ve got people around you (hopefully) to support you and make you feel loved where love is lost. This wears off after a few weeks and then slowly the topic of ‘you’ never really gets brought up again. No one asks. No one wants to bring it up because they assume you wouldn’t want to discuss it. I start feeling like I’m getting on peoples nerves - oh, she’s talking about ...

I want to write. I want to write about you, about us. My mind is so busy, my heart is so full and yet the words won't come out how I want them to. I want to do our love justice.  Heartbreak. I honestly believe this is the hardest thing I have ever been through and the most significant event in my life so far. And the pain - the pain is so real. I feel this empty void in the space where you used to be. Sounds so dramatic but the complete and utter numbness you've left is unbearable.  When you go through a break up, you think you'll know what to expect. I've been through it all before and I don't doubt i'll go through it again. It gets worse every time. Each time a little more of you gets taken away, each time you become a little more vulnerable and your walls go up a little higher.  When we were together, I used to imagine being without you but you can never emotionally prepare yourself for it until it actually happens, and of course you never imagine ...

Hey everyone! I'm sure I always start these ramblings the same way... it's been a while and yadda yadda. I'm not on here to talk about the mess my life has turned into (sorry, if you're nosey like me, I'm sure you were hoping to get all the goss!), I'm trying to be more positive and with that comes a positive mindset and approach to life. I think it's important to realise that you just need to take the days as they come when you are in a bad place because if you force yourself to feel happy, it will never work but equally there will be days that are better than other days. Surprisingly, I am feeling OK today. Slow progress but it's better than yesterday and so I see that as an achievement. I'm not feeling angry anymore, all that anger has gone because honestly no-one is at fault here. I'm just sort of numb but I haven't cried today so... baby steps! (but tomorrow I could read this back and think, 'what utter bullshit you talk'. ...

Hey guys! Loving the weather we've been having today so I thought I would do a quick OOTD style blog post for those days it's not-too-hot and not-too-cold. Finding this dress from Asos really easy to chuck on with anything recently. I love fashion and dabbling with prints but I'm actually pretty low-maintenance when it comes to getting dressed. Mostly, I just chuck on whatever and hope for the best. You will likely find me wearing polka dots, stripes, chokers and usually a statement boot. This wrap around dress is not typically something I would go for but I love the colours and you can't go wrong with stripes in my opinion (I'm a little bit too obsessed). I bought this dress a while ago but you know those outfits you sort of forget about and then you're reunited and it feels so good? Yeah, well now I can't get enough of it and I'm wearing the shit out of it. I think it's perfect for Spring where you can layer it up or wear it on its own. (I...

Hey guys, I've not long ago started up my YouTube channel again! I kind of just woke up one day with this burning desire to start it all up again, so I bought a camera and a memory card and did it! I have always wanted to make videos, I find it so much fun and I incorporate it into my daily routine easily as I've always got my mobile out taking pictures or recording. I'm a massive fan of documenting my life- it may annoy some people how often I post, but I know I'll be thankful for it one day. Yesterday I visited a Rare Breeds Farm in Baylham (thanks to a recommendation from my good friend Maddy). I saw on her Snapchat that she was holding baby lambs, and as a lover of all things animal-related I had to find out where it was. Lewis and I attempted to go the other week but due to it being the Easter Holidays, the bus never turned up- which was annoying to say the least. So we went to get the bus yesterday and thankfully it arrived! (Number 88, Stand FF if anyone is i...

Hello! It's been a while. I say that every time, right? Blogging is not something I prioritise anymore, especially with my job becoming slightly more demanding and full-on. I wanted to write about something which has been playing on my mind, though. So, if you're reading this you're probably wondering 'why I'm old before my time'. This post has been a long time in the making and I've been put off for a long time. I think that's because I don't fully want to (and haven't) accepted it all myself. I'm scared. I'm scared of a lot of things. I'm not your typical introvert but when thinking about the standard check-list for an introvert, I've realised recently I seem to fit the bill. Anxiety controls a lot of my life, and strangely sometimes I'm still in denial that I suffer from it at all. I see posts about anxiety all the time - which is great, I'm glad it's getting the attention it needs. I want people to know ab...