5 steps toward improving my life
Hey everyone!
I'm sure I always start these ramblings the same way... it's been a while and yadda yadda.
I'm not on here to talk about the mess my life has turned into (sorry, if you're nosey like me, I'm sure you were hoping to get all the goss!), I'm trying to be more positive and with that comes a positive mindset and approach to life. I think it's important to realise that you just need to take the days as they come when you are in a bad place because if you force yourself to feel happy, it will never work but equally there will be days that are better than other days. Surprisingly, I am feeling OK today. Slow progress but it's better than yesterday and so I see that as an achievement. I'm not feeling angry anymore, all that anger has gone because honestly no-one is at fault here. I'm just sort of numb but I haven't cried today so... baby steps! (but tomorrow I could read this back and think, 'what utter bullshit you talk'.
I've had a lot of time to self-reflect and there are many things I wish to change in myself. Now, don't get me wrong, I love myself. No one can ever say I do not love myself because I love myself more than anyone will ever love me - but, on saying that, there are things that I do (that I know I do and cannot help doing) that I do not like about myself. I want to be the best version of myself possible, and with that comes change!
"Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."
So, I thought I would write down 5 things I am doing to improve my life. These may be things that I have already started, I have enquired about or just want to start doing in general.
1. Therapy.
This is probably the most important point because therapy is something I have never done before but have always thought about doing. It scares the crap out of me but I honestly think it will be great for my wellbeing which excites me. I searched the Internet, as you do, and came across a lovely woman named Lesley. She specialises in a diverse range of issues including anxiety, depression, grief, low self-esteem, relationship/family issues, general stress etc etc and she sounded like a breath of fresh air so I'm excited to meet her tomorrow. I'm hoping she can bring me a slightly more positive outlook on life and I'm interested to see things from an outsiders point of view!
2. Gym.
I'm going to start a gym. This is hilarious to me as I am so unfit but I obviously want to change this! I said to a friend that my goal is to be able to walk up the stairs without running out of breath, I think he thought I was joking... I actually joined a gym when I was at Uni, paid a lot of money on it too and can safely say I went a good three times at a push. I don't want to lose weight or even tone up, I just want a bit more of a booty and to be healthier and fitter. I reckon i'll wait till I'm back at work so I can start getting into a bit of a routine. I think i'll be awful and will be like a fish on dry land but it'll be worth it when I got an ass like Kim K*.
3. Socialising.
I'm such a bloody cretin (and mostly I do love it, but) I need to get out more. I'm going to start seeing my friends more and being a bit more independent. I'm not that good at being independent as I hate being alone and rely on those around me too much I guess but at least I'm aware of it and I'm prepared to change! I don't really enjoy going out and drinking that much anymore but I'll definitely make more of an effort to catch up with friends, go to their houses or just chill at The Swan and play a game of pool. I think it's times like these, where I need friends, that I realise how important it is to keep them close. I'm so fortunate for everyone around me right now. Shout out to you.
4. Hobbies.
I've been doing a lot of the whole 'trying to keep yourself busy' thing and it's kind of working. I've thought and overthought (as girls do) but I've also allowed myself to be upset and then tried to give myself a pep talk and tell myself that I am stronger than I think and that whatever happens, happens. I want to start up a hobby of some sort but I'm not too sure what. I think once I start work again I will realise how little time I actually have to start up a hobby in between marking books and planning lessons etc but even just something small on the side would be fun... like joining a samba class or starting Zumba!
5. Awareness.
"The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance."
I can't say I'm at the second step yet but I'll get there in time. Awareness is important because you have to understand and be able to evaluate the situation properly. I am aware I have made mistakes. I am willing to own up to this. I am aware I need to change to become a better version of myself. I am aware that I have pushed those I love away from me, mostly without even realising I am doing it and that is something I have to live with. I am aware when I take people for granted. I am aware when I have been in the wrong- but it's deciding where you go from that which is proving difficult. Acceptance is hard because although I have accepted what needs to change, I now need to prove to myself and those around me that I can do it and live with the consequences. I'm living in hope.
"You will never follow your own inner voice until you clear up the doubts in your mind."
Thank you for reading. Sorry if I'm speaking in riddles. I like quotes. Live your best life.
Chlo X
*I don't actually want an ass like Kim K, I would look absolutely ridiculous, can you imagine...
I'm sure I always start these ramblings the same way... it's been a while and yadda yadda.
I'm not on here to talk about the mess my life has turned into (sorry, if you're nosey like me, I'm sure you were hoping to get all the goss!), I'm trying to be more positive and with that comes a positive mindset and approach to life. I think it's important to realise that you just need to take the days as they come when you are in a bad place because if you force yourself to feel happy, it will never work but equally there will be days that are better than other days. Surprisingly, I am feeling OK today. Slow progress but it's better than yesterday and so I see that as an achievement. I'm not feeling angry anymore, all that anger has gone because honestly no-one is at fault here. I'm just sort of numb but I haven't cried today so... baby steps! (but tomorrow I could read this back and think, 'what utter bullshit you talk'.
I've had a lot of time to self-reflect and there are many things I wish to change in myself. Now, don't get me wrong, I love myself. No one can ever say I do not love myself because I love myself more than anyone will ever love me - but, on saying that, there are things that I do (that I know I do and cannot help doing) that I do not like about myself. I want to be the best version of myself possible, and with that comes change!
"Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."
So, I thought I would write down 5 things I am doing to improve my life. These may be things that I have already started, I have enquired about or just want to start doing in general.
1. Therapy.
This is probably the most important point because therapy is something I have never done before but have always thought about doing. It scares the crap out of me but I honestly think it will be great for my wellbeing which excites me. I searched the Internet, as you do, and came across a lovely woman named Lesley. She specialises in a diverse range of issues including anxiety, depression, grief, low self-esteem, relationship/family issues, general stress etc etc and she sounded like a breath of fresh air so I'm excited to meet her tomorrow. I'm hoping she can bring me a slightly more positive outlook on life and I'm interested to see things from an outsiders point of view!
2. Gym.
I'm going to start a gym. This is hilarious to me as I am so unfit but I obviously want to change this! I said to a friend that my goal is to be able to walk up the stairs without running out of breath, I think he thought I was joking... I actually joined a gym when I was at Uni, paid a lot of money on it too and can safely say I went a good three times at a push. I don't want to lose weight or even tone up, I just want a bit more of a booty and to be healthier and fitter. I reckon i'll wait till I'm back at work so I can start getting into a bit of a routine. I think i'll be awful and will be like a fish on dry land but it'll be worth it when I got an ass like Kim K*.
3. Socialising.
I'm such a bloody cretin (and mostly I do love it, but) I need to get out more. I'm going to start seeing my friends more and being a bit more independent. I'm not that good at being independent as I hate being alone and rely on those around me too much I guess but at least I'm aware of it and I'm prepared to change! I don't really enjoy going out and drinking that much anymore but I'll definitely make more of an effort to catch up with friends, go to their houses or just chill at The Swan and play a game of pool. I think it's times like these, where I need friends, that I realise how important it is to keep them close. I'm so fortunate for everyone around me right now. Shout out to you.
4. Hobbies.
I've been doing a lot of the whole 'trying to keep yourself busy' thing and it's kind of working. I've thought and overthought (as girls do) but I've also allowed myself to be upset and then tried to give myself a pep talk and tell myself that I am stronger than I think and that whatever happens, happens. I want to start up a hobby of some sort but I'm not too sure what. I think once I start work again I will realise how little time I actually have to start up a hobby in between marking books and planning lessons etc but even just something small on the side would be fun... like joining a samba class or starting Zumba!
5. Awareness.
"The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance."
I can't say I'm at the second step yet but I'll get there in time. Awareness is important because you have to understand and be able to evaluate the situation properly. I am aware I have made mistakes. I am willing to own up to this. I am aware I need to change to become a better version of myself. I am aware that I have pushed those I love away from me, mostly without even realising I am doing it and that is something I have to live with. I am aware when I take people for granted. I am aware when I have been in the wrong- but it's deciding where you go from that which is proving difficult. Acceptance is hard because although I have accepted what needs to change, I now need to prove to myself and those around me that I can do it and live with the consequences. I'm living in hope.
"You will never follow your own inner voice until you clear up the doubts in your mind."
Thank you for reading. Sorry if I'm speaking in riddles. I like quotes. Live your best life.
Chlo X
*I don't actually want an ass like Kim K, I would look absolutely ridiculous, can you imagine...
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