the imminent death that awaits
So as I write this I'm currently situated in a freezing cold room invigilating for a Year 11 with nothing but this notepad for company as the dreaded two hour and 15 minute exam takes over. Not to mention the extended 15 minutes if needed 'cause the poor gal has gone and broken her wrist. I've been invigilating this same girl three times in a row and it's really making me realise that you don't know what you've got till it's gone. At school, you pretty much get everything handed to you on a plate and you don't even realise, and at the time you probably didn't even want it. Right now I want it. I would much rather be sitting that exam than her. I understand that for her this "determines your future" and all that bollocks but for me, I don't know if the boredom is slowly eating away at everything I used to be or what... perhaps I am an adult now once and for all? That's it. This confirms it.
I'm invigilating for the rest of the week and each time I've been a nosey parker and read over her exam papers before she even has, today is English Literature. Now that's my shit. I was reading it over like YES! How did I not appreciate this when I was at school?! Reading poems and analysing them is what I do best because I can waffle. Analysing a text is essentially a better way of saying "spur a load of shit about what you've read" and I'm here for it. Don't get me wrong, put a Maths paper in front of me and she can take the wheel whilst I continue staring at my watch wondering why a minute feels like five. But English though. I would happily take that test over sitting here in an agonising silence which is only interrupted by my belly rumbling because I didn't have breakfast.
It's a weird feeling doing a full 360. Being the invigilator and not the student. Not gonna lie I thought it would feel better. I was expecting to sit there all smug and maybe throw in a couple digs here and there about how I'm so glad I'm not in education anymore and I don't have to go through this again. Actually, jokes on me 'cause I'm the mug that has to sit in silence (Note: I'm not even meant to sit. I'm meant to STAND the whole time but they can pay me more before they think I'm gonna stand still for two and a half hours) whilst she does all the work. Looking back now makes me feel so sorry for those invigilators when I was taking my GCSE's and such, like, props to them for having the most boring job in the world. And they couldn't even break the rules by writing in their notepads like I am... perhaps I'm the one who doesn't realise what she's got till it's gone? perhaps I should be grateful I'm not in lessons right now and am getting paid to just sit here, perhaps I'll look back on this moment and wish to relive it? Insanity has hit.
Half an hour has passed. As you're reading this, I guess that means I survived because thankfully I am no longer in that hell hole. Time goes so slowly when you're clock watching... just two hours to go... there's only so many times you can look outside the same window with the same view, imagining you lived in the same house you can see in sight, chewing the same bit of gum and writing lists to make the time go quicker. I'm having so much fun writing this..... perhaps some time would have been passed? They always say time flies when you're having fun... I'll look at my watch and an hour would have passed by without my knowledge or awareness... 9:38am.
In all seriousness though, thank fuck I'm getting paid for this that's all I can say. I like a bit of silence amongst the madness of a High School as much as the next guy but I ain't doing this again in a hurry. I have a week off on Friday as it's half term and my god is it welcomed. It shall be spent doing what I do best: sleeping. I'm so excited for a lay in. I'm like the sleepiest person you'll ever meet and I have to wake up at like 7am every morning now for work. I'm so glad to finally be in this position though. Those who know me will know how much I was absolutely bricking it to start this job. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself without meaning to. There was a lot riding on this. For a start, I wanted to stop being unemployed eating my body weight in pasta sauces. To be fair, I still do the last part but I'm no longer unemployed so I feel less guilty for it. Like, yes, I paid for this pasta sauce so i'ma get my moneys worth. I wanted to have that freedom of buying things for myself and others and not worrying if my card is gonna decline. Don't get me wrong I'm still in my overdraft but at least I look cute.
Most importantly to me was that I wanted to move in with Lewis. Our living arrangements right now are just not ideal to say the least. We have a little routine going whereby Lewis will come to my house every day after work except on Mondays because that's his early day at work so he goes to the gym after work rather than before, so by the time he's finished, there's not much point. Then on a Friday I go to Lewis' after he's finished work and spend the weekend there, then we stay at mine Sunday night as it's closer and easier for me to get to work the next day. He's a real trooper that one. Probably doesn't really sound that "not ideal" but lugging all our stuff from one place to another every week is just long. Besides, we've been together almost two years now (eeeep!) and I wanna live with my best friend more than anything in the world. I feel like I've been waiting to live with Lewis since I met him to be honest, we tackled long distance whilst I was at Uni and now I just wanna annoy him always.
9:56am.
Ok so I've got a potential hour and 15 minutes to go unless she decides to take her extended time, in which case we would have an hour and a half. Praying she's done early as I feel like I'm slowly becoming one with this chair and my hands are starting to lose feeling this room is so damn cold.
What else to say... Ah, Halloween! This time of year is legitimately my most favourite ever. Everything about it- even the cold and anyone who knows me knows I'm always cold. I love being warm but I prefer Winter. Toward the middle of Summer I was bored of the clammy conditions, especially at work when I have to cover myself from head to toe to hide my tattoos. Wrapping up. Leaves falling from the trees. Hot drinks. Cosy, dark nights. Fireworks. Autumnal fashion. The excitement of Christmas. Gah, just everything. I'm getting excited. Give me it all.
Lewis and I have been struggling for a while trying to think of an outfit to wear. Like I don't want to go as something cute or conventional. I want blood and gore. Mama Bear is throwing a Halloween shindig y'see, nothing big and mainly for the kids but Halloween and fancy dress are like two of my most favourite things. Anyway, 10:10am, we had some ideas which may give some of you reading some inspiration to snag them or create your own (if it does, do share):
- Morticia and Gomez from The Addams Family or similarly Cousin Itt and Wednesday Addams.
- Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf (in a twist of events, the wolf killed her and she never made it to Grandma's. Soz. I think we are going with this idea and having her face all scratched up etc!)
- The Purge masks
- The pig from Saw and the little jigsaw dude on his bicycle
- Stranger Things
- Frankenstein and his Bride
- Jack Skellington and Sally
- Dead cheerleader and dead jock
- Joker and Harley Quinn (AKA everyones outfits this year)
- Edward Scissorhands and Lydia Deetz
To be honest you could go as just about anything or anyone and say they're dead.
10:22am.
Death is inevitable.
11:15am.
She has decided to take her extended time. I can't feel my face. I'm starving. I have a headache and I have read just about every poster in this room.
I will most likely have more updates such as this in the upcoming days as I have to go through this torture for the foreseeable future.
Chlo X
I'm invigilating for the rest of the week and each time I've been a nosey parker and read over her exam papers before she even has, today is English Literature. Now that's my shit. I was reading it over like YES! How did I not appreciate this when I was at school?! Reading poems and analysing them is what I do best because I can waffle. Analysing a text is essentially a better way of saying "spur a load of shit about what you've read" and I'm here for it. Don't get me wrong, put a Maths paper in front of me and she can take the wheel whilst I continue staring at my watch wondering why a minute feels like five. But English though. I would happily take that test over sitting here in an agonising silence which is only interrupted by my belly rumbling because I didn't have breakfast.
It's a weird feeling doing a full 360. Being the invigilator and not the student. Not gonna lie I thought it would feel better. I was expecting to sit there all smug and maybe throw in a couple digs here and there about how I'm so glad I'm not in education anymore and I don't have to go through this again. Actually, jokes on me 'cause I'm the mug that has to sit in silence (Note: I'm not even meant to sit. I'm meant to STAND the whole time but they can pay me more before they think I'm gonna stand still for two and a half hours) whilst she does all the work. Looking back now makes me feel so sorry for those invigilators when I was taking my GCSE's and such, like, props to them for having the most boring job in the world. And they couldn't even break the rules by writing in their notepads like I am... perhaps I'm the one who doesn't realise what she's got till it's gone? perhaps I should be grateful I'm not in lessons right now and am getting paid to just sit here, perhaps I'll look back on this moment and wish to relive it? Insanity has hit.
Half an hour has passed. As you're reading this, I guess that means I survived because thankfully I am no longer in that hell hole. Time goes so slowly when you're clock watching... just two hours to go... there's only so many times you can look outside the same window with the same view, imagining you lived in the same house you can see in sight, chewing the same bit of gum and writing lists to make the time go quicker. I'm having so much fun writing this..... perhaps some time would have been passed? They always say time flies when you're having fun... I'll look at my watch and an hour would have passed by without my knowledge or awareness... 9:38am.
In all seriousness though, thank fuck I'm getting paid for this that's all I can say. I like a bit of silence amongst the madness of a High School as much as the next guy but I ain't doing this again in a hurry. I have a week off on Friday as it's half term and my god is it welcomed. It shall be spent doing what I do best: sleeping. I'm so excited for a lay in. I'm like the sleepiest person you'll ever meet and I have to wake up at like 7am every morning now for work. I'm so glad to finally be in this position though. Those who know me will know how much I was absolutely bricking it to start this job. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself without meaning to. There was a lot riding on this. For a start, I wanted to stop being unemployed eating my body weight in pasta sauces. To be fair, I still do the last part but I'm no longer unemployed so I feel less guilty for it. Like, yes, I paid for this pasta sauce so i'ma get my moneys worth. I wanted to have that freedom of buying things for myself and others and not worrying if my card is gonna decline. Don't get me wrong I'm still in my overdraft but at least I look cute.
Most importantly to me was that I wanted to move in with Lewis. Our living arrangements right now are just not ideal to say the least. We have a little routine going whereby Lewis will come to my house every day after work except on Mondays because that's his early day at work so he goes to the gym after work rather than before, so by the time he's finished, there's not much point. Then on a Friday I go to Lewis' after he's finished work and spend the weekend there, then we stay at mine Sunday night as it's closer and easier for me to get to work the next day. He's a real trooper that one. Probably doesn't really sound that "not ideal" but lugging all our stuff from one place to another every week is just long. Besides, we've been together almost two years now (eeeep!) and I wanna live with my best friend more than anything in the world. I feel like I've been waiting to live with Lewis since I met him to be honest, we tackled long distance whilst I was at Uni and now I just wanna annoy him always.
9:56am.
Ok so I've got a potential hour and 15 minutes to go unless she decides to take her extended time, in which case we would have an hour and a half. Praying she's done early as I feel like I'm slowly becoming one with this chair and my hands are starting to lose feeling this room is so damn cold.
What else to say... Ah, Halloween! This time of year is legitimately my most favourite ever. Everything about it- even the cold and anyone who knows me knows I'm always cold. I love being warm but I prefer Winter. Toward the middle of Summer I was bored of the clammy conditions, especially at work when I have to cover myself from head to toe to hide my tattoos. Wrapping up. Leaves falling from the trees. Hot drinks. Cosy, dark nights. Fireworks. Autumnal fashion. The excitement of Christmas. Gah, just everything. I'm getting excited. Give me it all.
Lewis and I have been struggling for a while trying to think of an outfit to wear. Like I don't want to go as something cute or conventional. I want blood and gore. Mama Bear is throwing a Halloween shindig y'see, nothing big and mainly for the kids but Halloween and fancy dress are like two of my most favourite things. Anyway, 10:10am, we had some ideas which may give some of you reading some inspiration to snag them or create your own (if it does, do share):
- Morticia and Gomez from The Addams Family or similarly Cousin Itt and Wednesday Addams.
- Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf (in a twist of events, the wolf killed her and she never made it to Grandma's. Soz. I think we are going with this idea and having her face all scratched up etc!)
- The Purge masks
- The pig from Saw and the little jigsaw dude on his bicycle
- Stranger Things
- Frankenstein and his Bride
- Jack Skellington and Sally
- Dead cheerleader and dead jock
- Joker and Harley Quinn (AKA everyones outfits this year)
- Edward Scissorhands and Lydia Deetz
To be honest you could go as just about anything or anyone and say they're dead.
10:22am.
Death is inevitable.
11:15am.
She has decided to take her extended time. I can't feel my face. I'm starving. I have a headache and I have read just about every poster in this room.
I will most likely have more updates such as this in the upcoming days as I have to go through this torture for the foreseeable future.
Chlo X
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