when life gives you lemons, make lemonade

I think it's painfully sad that I haven't written in a long time because I've been happy. It's sad that I feel like I can only write about pain and heartache. I haven't had that same urge to write because I've been too busy being happy. In hindsight, I'm sure that's a good thing. Happiness is one thing: happiness after a lifetime of pain is another. Since we've last spoken, I met a guy and he asked me to be his girlfriend. To which I agreed and continue to relish in his presence. It feels completely surreal to me to think about the path I have been on and where I'm at now. I'm definitely still hurt, still healing with every day that comes, but I openly speak to Varian about it and I'm fortunate enough that he is super understanding about it all.  "When you start loving someone new, you laugh at the indecisiveness of love. Remember when you were sure the last one was the one and now here you are, redefining the one all over agai...

So far, 2018 is shaping up to be everything I wanted and needed it to be. I think I will always look back on 2017 and everything that came with it and feel grateful that it happened. I can't believe I've got to a point in my life where I can say that, because I still know how raw my pain was, how very real it was and how much it affected my life. But I thank it. I thank it all. Without that pain, that heartbreak, there was no defining moment where I had to change. I didn't feel like there was anything that needed to change, but looking back I should have done things differently. I neglected my friends and rarely went out because I was so in love, and I don't regret that. That was what I wanted. He was what I wanted. I was ready to settle down, think about having kids, getting married. Which is so mental to think about now because I could not be further away from that. I used to beat myself up about that, panicking because I had to start again and I felt like I had bee...