when life gives you lemons, make lemonade

I wanted to write this for when I get better. When hearing your name no longer makes my heart sink and seeing a picture of you no longer leaves me breathless.   I want to remember. I want to remember exactly how I’m feeling right now, so that I can look back and say I got through it. I have to look forward otherwise this hole I’ve got myself stuck in just seems to be getting deeper and deeper. I need to find a ladder so I can slowly climb my way out. I want to remember the hurt I feel. I want to remember how much I tried to win you back and how my efforts were rejected and I was left humiliated. I want to remember how I loved you until it physically hurt. I want to remember how I expected the very minimum from you and I was still left disappointed. I did not expect for you to come crawling back on your hands and knees because you had realised you had made a mistake. I wanted that, I wanted that more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I wanted you in the most innocent sense. I wan...

I think the worst part about a break up is that once it’s all said and done, you have a moment where you realise - fuck, it’s really over. That no matter what happens from this moment forward, no matter what scenario’s you play in your head and no matter how many times you can hope and pray that they will realise they’ve made a mistake and actually they love you and they want you back. Pushing all of that to one side, actually things will probably never be the same between you again. I hate the thought of that. I want things to be just as they were. I think the thing with break ups is that when it’s over, you’ve got people around you (hopefully) to support you and make you feel loved where love is lost. This wears off after a few weeks and then slowly the topic of ‘you’ never really gets brought up again. No one asks. No one wants to bring it up because they assume you wouldn’t want to discuss it. I start feeling like I’m getting on peoples nerves - oh, she’s talking about ...