when life gives you lemons, make lemonade

 I want to be in love with you But my mind is unforgiving I still have love for you And often think back to the beginning I miss the way we’d dance in the kitchen and the way your eyes met mine Now all I can do is revisit that image over and over again in my mind The days keep passing by and it scares me to forget But I think it scares me more when I remember and my mind fills with regret I’m still the person I once was, the person you fell in love with was me Although I often have to remind myself this was real and I’m not just going crazy People say how well I’m doing and in many ways I’ve got my spark back  It hurts to know you won’t experience that side of me anymore, but perhaps those memories you lack I might be OK but I’m not fine at all I just wonder if I cross your mind or if you ever think to call I know you loved me once and I believe you could again But I know you’d never reach out even if you thought about it and that it really is the end I know there’s things abo...

I started therapy on 5th April 2021 - exactly one week after my last relationship ended. I think if I’m being honest, I probably should have started therapy a long time ago. I’ve lived with a lot of trauma for a lot of my life and I’ve always felt like I just wanted someone to speak to; someone to offer advice, someone to listen, someone to understand. I’ve always been quite a relationship type of person and so I think subconsciously I’ve always relied on my partner to be that supportive system for me, which I guess when I start to think about it properly is wrong of me. I can’t rely on someone else to sort out the stuff going on in my head. That’s unfair.  I’ve tried lots of different types of medication in the past to help ease some of the pain from the situations I’ve dealt with, but none of them have ever really worked. They’ve just either made me feel like a zombie or completely changed me as a person (and not in a good way). Therapy was kind of a last resort - in the past I’v...